Chocolate Bunny Pudding

Today I'm making what I call "Chocolate Bunny Pudding"

Since I can't eat a real chocolate bunny I made myself a suitable substitute.

1 pkg Jell-0 SF Instant Chocolate Fudge Pudding mix
2 tsp instant decaf coffee
1/4 cup nonfat dried milk
2 packs Splenda
1 1/2 cup skim milk
1/4 cup heavy cream
1/4 cup water

Combine all ingredients in a large bowl.
Whisk well until pudding begins to thicken.
Refrigerate until it sets.. About 5 minutes.

Serve in martini glasses with whipped cream

Serves 4 (unless you want to eat the whole bunny!)

Pit Roasted Pig

It's now several days later and I can finally talk about my yearly tradition of spending 18 hours preparing a perfect meal. Here in the South we call it a "Pig Pickin'" but it's the ultimate Southern Feast and the only thing WLS Friendly about it is the massive infusion of protein into your body. The only reason you will prepare THIS recipe is for the delight of your family and guests. 

This is my personal manual for the perfect pit roasted pig, which I've cooked many times over the last 40 years for my Annual Independence Day North Carolina Barbecue, Rock and Roll Doughnut Bacon Festival and Outdoor Brain Fry. Someday perhaps I'll tell you about the original where the event was born. Let's just say it got me evicted...

The parties are much calmer now, and the beer is much better quality. Go ahead and take the plunge with this recipe, because at least once you should cook the high-end extreme barbecue...


Whole Roasted Pig

Preparation Time: About 18 hours

Yield: 100-120 servings

Required:

1 100 lb pig, dressed weight

1 meat thermometer

1 shovel

1 pit

200 lbs. hickory wood - and/or charcoal

1 bed springs

4 unused metal garbage can lids

1 iron pot or bucket

1 large spoon

2 quarts water

1/2 cup salt

1 teaspoon ground red pepper

2 teaspoon coarse ground black pepper

2 tablespoons chopped garlic

1 cup vinegar

Directions: First, locate a pig. About three weeks ahead, call a local butcher or supermarket to place the order. The whole hog is festive and decorative, but fresh hams or pork shoulders cook more efficiently. They are also more economical than ribs. Have the butcher saw pig's backbone to lay spread-eagle while roasting.

In the meantime, dig the pit on solid ground. It should be about 12-16 inches deep, 3.5 feet wide and 5 feet long. Slope and taper the pit on either end.

Fill the pit with one or two bushels of oak or hickory twigs. Burn down to ashes. This dries out the pit.

Make a second fire near one end of the pit. This will supply the coals to cook the meat during the night and day long roasting time. Spread them conservatively as needed for a slow fire under the meat. If using charcoal start the fire with the "good stuff" – you can use the cheap brands later on.

Lay iron rods, bunk bed springs or heavy hog wire mesh over the pit to support the pig. Lay the whole pig on this rack, spread-eagle, meat side down.

Toast the pig with a mint julep (or other libation). Wish him good luck and thank him for what he is about to do for you.

Make heavy brine with the remaining edible ingredients. Turn and baste meat during cooking. Roast slowly 12- 18 hours, or until internal temp. reads 170 degrees. Note: Barbecue sauce is added after pig is cooked. It will burn if applied during roasting. The brine permeates and seasons the roasting meat.

Traditionally, the cooks continue to toast the pig during the entire cooking process. Beer is a favorite libation.

If you add too many coals, the dripping grease will catch fire and flare up. Smother these flames with the back of the shovel.

After the pig is properly blessed and cooking, cover with four clean, metal garbage can lids or metal roofing sheet. This retains the heat during the early morning hours, but it's loose enough to let smoke circulate slowly and season the meat.

The last 8-10 hours of cooking, turn pig over, skin side down. This will render the fat out of the skin while cooking. As the fat accumulates around the ribs and shoulders, collect it with the large spoon. Save it in the iron pot. It congeals into lard. Remember: Cook slowly to retain moisture and prevent burning.

Tip: After the long night, when you turn the pig, pick off little bits and pieces of pork. These make a great breakfast with hot coffee.

When the pig is done, (170 Degrees internal in the shoulder) take it over to the table and lay it on cardboard. Start carving. This part usually draws quite a crowd. Three or four people can easily carve off of the pig at the same time. It is important that the head chef carve the hindquarters of the pig. If you are careful and quiet about it, you can remove the loins intact. Be sure to set those aside for your helpers. They will appreciate it.

Plan ahead for a way of disposing of the stripped carcass. Public parks may not be amenable to having it left in their dumpsters (or in your garage if the party's at your house).

Tip: if using charcoal, soak some hickory (or mesquite) chips in water and add to coals occasionally

Serve with breads/buns and all kinds of barbecue sauces, corn on the cob, potato salad, baked beans, bread and butter pickles, ice cold beer, and homemade ice cream.

Rest assured that you have presented your guests with the quintessential Southern banquet, fit for Presidents and Kings. Bon Appetit!

---dave---
The Bariatric Food Dude

Thai Burgers

With so many options regarding the choice of meat, toppings and condiments, it is possible to eat a hamburger every day of your life and never eat the same hamburger twice. That (along with the fact that I'm a flag-waving red-blooded American) makes burgers one of my favorite foods.

While beef is considered the "standard" for hamburgers (many Americans even call ground beef "hamburger"), any ground meat can be used. Popular cuts of beef include round, chuck, and sirloin, and those are the cuts you're most likely to find pre-ground in the supermarket. Other cuts that make tasty burgers include brisket, short ribs, flank steak, skirt steak, and ribeye. I try to avoid the stuff labeled "hamburger" because it's usually the ground up scraps. Don't forget that pork, lamb, chicken, and turkey make great burgers too.

Toppings can consist of just about anything you like, and my favorite is cheese. Use any cheese that you like - I like them all. My favorites include gruyere (Swiss), blue, cheddar, and brie. Other topping that you'll find on most hamburgers include lettuce, tomato, and onion, but don't limit yourself to those. Pickles and sauteed mushrooms are favorite additions, and crisp bacon makes every burger better. People in my neck of the woods enjoy toppings like cole slaw, pickled jalapeño peppers, and fried eggs. In other words, if it's something you like, it will probably taste good on a burger.

The range of condiments is equally broad. Mustard, ketchup, and mayonnaise form the triumvirate, but just about any flavorful liquid can be dribbled on a hamburger. Consider steak sauce, chile sauce, barbecue sauce, Asian soy sauce or fish sauce, or the hot sauce of your choice. Don't forget salad dressings, pesto, pickle relish, horseradish sauce, hoisin sauce, fresh salsa, guacamole, and Worcestershire sauce too.

The meat patty itself should be between 4 and 8 ounces. Any smaller and you might as well be eating at a fast-food joint, and any bigger gets a bit tricky to eat. Form the meat into a patty, handling it as little as possible. Make the patties a bit larger than you want them to turn out because they will shrink when you cook them. The patties also have a tendency to get thicker in the center, so make them slightly concave in the middle to counteract this. Some people like to bury a pat of butter or some ice chips in the meat to help keep it moist, but I have never found either of those tactics necessary.

You can cook the patties any way you like. Grilling over hot coals is probably everyone's favorite method, but there are several options available if a roaring fire isn't handy. Cooking them under a hot broiler gives the patties a flavor similar to grilling, and some people prefer the griddle-style flavor they get from sauteing in a heavy skillet over high heat. Heck, there are even places that have made their reputation on burgers by steaming them, so cook them however you like.

Here is a version that will wake up the taste buds and remind you that there can be more to burgers than plain ground beef.


Thai Burgers

Nutrition Facts
Servings 6

Amount Per Serving
Calories 199
Total Fat 7.5g
Saturated Fat 3.4g
Trans Fat 0.2g
Cholesterol 86mg
Sodium 75mg
Total Carbohydrates 1.2g
Protein 30.0g


1 1/2 lbs lean ground meat (I use chuck or sirloin)
1/4 cup finely chopped fresh cilantro (coriander leaves)
2 Tbs finely chopped fresh mint
1 Tbs lime juice
1 Tbs finely chopped jalapeño pepper, or to taste
1 Tbs finely chopped garlic
1 tsp grated lime zest
1 tsp grated ginger
Salt and freshly ground pepper to taste

Combine all the ingredients in a mixing bowl and mix thoroughly with your hands. Form gently into 6 patties and grill over hot coals, pan-fry, or broil to your liking, turning once halfway through cooking.

Cook's Notes: I served the burger on crunchy lettuce leaves with a slice of tomato, red onions, Thai basil and topped with a sweet sauce. I wrapped the whole thing up in my lettuce, took a bite and was in burger heaven. The tomato's acidity and the green herbiness of the Thai basil added wonderful nuances of flavor.

---dave---
The Bariatric Food Dude

Protein Bread Bowl Clam Chowda

I joined my son and his girlfriend at a local chain Deli for dinner recently and was distressed with the lack of healthy options on their menu. I ordered a meat sandwich plain and left the bread on the plate - HOWEVER, I was sorely tempted by their creamy chowder served in a bread bowl, which lingered in my mind for days. After a great deal of research, thought and lots of experimentation, I bring you:


Protein Bread Bowl Clam Chowda

Nutrition Facts
Servings 6

Amount Per Serving
Calories 449
Total Fat 27.0g
Saturated Fat 16.8g
Trans Fat 0.0g
Cholesterol 189mg
Sodium 1952mg
Total Carbohydrates 12.3g
Dietary Fiber 1.6g
Sugars 4.9g
Protein 39.4g

To make the bread bowl:



1 cup unflavored whey protein
6 tsp butter (or coconut oil), melted (plus extra for greasing)
1 cup milk (cow, almond, soy, elephant,...)
1 cup chicken broth (or 1 more cup milk)
4 eggs
1/2 tsp sea salt

Preheat the oven to 425 degree F.
Grease 6 oven proof soup bowls with butter or coconut oil.
Place the bowls on a sheet pan in the hot oven for at least 8 minutes. You want the bowls to be HOT when the batter hits them - sort of like making Yorkshire Pudding.
Meanwhile, in a medium sized bowl blend together the whey, milk, broth, eggs and salt.

Carefully remove hot soup bowls from oven.
Dollop 1 tsp of melted butter or coconut oil into each hot bowl and pour the batter in until 2/3 full.
Bake for 15 minutes at 425F.
Leave the oven closed and reduce heat to 325F to bake for an additional 10 minutes. DO NOT PEEK!!!
Makes 6 servings.
Set aside.

Once totally cool, cut the top off the bread bowl and fill with soup.


The Chowda:
4 slices bacon, cut into 1/2 inch pieces (You can use Turkey Bacon if you really MUST)
1/2 cup minced onion
1/2 cup diced celery
1 cup cauliflower, cut into 1 inch pieces
2 cups chicken broth
1/2 tsp Vietnamese fish sauce (optional)
1 8 oz package low fat cream cheese
3 cans minced clams (6.5 ounce each)
salt and ground black pepper to taste

In a large pot, fry the bacon until crisp - remove.
In the same pan, drain juice from clams over onion, celery, and cauliflower pieces.
Add chicken broth to cover, and cook over medium heat until veggies are tender.
Add in the cream cheese, remaining broth and fish sauce, stir constantly until thick and smooth.

Heat through, but DO NOT BOIL.
Stir in clams just before serving. If they cook too much they get tough.
When clams are heated through season with salt and pepper.
Spoon into bread bowls.
Optionally garnish with crisp bacon crumbles.

Makes 6 servings

Cooks Notes: The cauliflower substitutes admirably for its starchy garden neighbor, the potato. You could substitute cubed turnip as well.
I've been experimenting with coconut oil as a butter replacement - and it works really well, but I'm a Southern boy and "a stick-a-butta" is just much easier to say than "8 tablespoons of melted coconut oil" - and doesn't prompt NEARLY as many questions!
If you are not a fan of clams you can use any quick cooking seafood such as shrimp, oysters or fish - or even canned chicken, which would work wonderfully!
If you've never tried fish sauce, I recommend you grab a bottle (it's CHEAP!) from your favorite oriental market. Think of it as oriental Worcestershire sauce. It's salty and yummy and an excellent add-on for seafood dishes. It also makes an incredible tangy/sweet "Nuoc Cham" (Google it) dipping sauce for fresh spring rolls or thinly sliced fresh garden veggies.
Of course, you can fill the bowl with ANYTHING, so let your imagination be your guide. Below are the stats for the "Bread" Bowl alone:

Nutrition Facts

Amount Per Serving
Calories 254
Total Fat 17.8g
Saturated Fat 12.5g
Cholesterol 153mg
Sodium 475mg
Total Carbohydrates 5.3g
Dietary Fiber 0.9g
Sugars 3.7g
Protein 19.5g

---dave---
The Bariatric Food Dude

Creamy Vanilla Lemon/Lime Yogurt Cheesecake Pie

This Creamy Vanilla Lemon/Lime Yogurt Cheesecake Pie seems just right for the health conscious crowd... It's name is so long because of all the different flavors and textures you get in every bite. It LOOKS like cheesecake and just right for a light dessert... breakfast even! All sweet and smooth with a little tang and that graham cracker-ish crust. It TASTES like those great Key Lime pies from South Florida with their lemon/lime goodness - BUT it's all good for you! Made with Greek Yogurt, a little lite cream cheese and Fiber One Cereal!


Creamy Vanilla Lemon/Lime Yogurt Cheesecake Pie

Nutrition Facts
Serves 8

Amount Per Serving
Calories 184
Total Fat 11.3g
Saturated Fat 7.0g
Trans Fat 0.0g
Cholesterol 30mg
Sodium 178mg
Total Carbohydrates 16.7g
Effective Carbohydrates 9.6g
Dietary Fiber 7.1g
Sugars 4.0g
Protein 11.0g


Crust:
2 cups Fiber One original bran cereal
1/4 cup melted butter
1 Tbsp Splenda granular
1 tsp vanilla extract

Filling:
1 Tbsp cold water
1 Tbsp fresh lime juice
1 1/2 tsp powder unflavored gelatin
4 oz. Neufchatel cheese (or Cream Cheese or no fat cream cheese)
1 small sleeve Crystal Light Lemonade mix
3 cups Greek yogurt
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 Tbsp grated lime zest
1/2 cup whipped topping (thawed)

Preheat oven to 350 F.

Finely crush the bran cereal in a food processor until it resembles graham cracker crumbs.
In a medium bowl, mix crust ingredients until blended.
Press mixture evenly and firmly in bottom and up sides of a 9" pie plate.
Bake for 10 - 12 minutes or until firm. cool completely, about an hour

In a 1 qt. sauce pan, mix water and lime juice.
Sprinkle gelatin on lime/water mixture and let stand for 1 -2 minutes.
Heat over low heat until gelatin is dissolved.
Cool slightly about 2 minutes.

In a medium bowl, beat neufchatel (cream cheese) with an electric mixer on medium speed until smooth.
Add yogurt, extract and lime juice/gelatin mixture and beat until smooth and well blended.
Fold in whipped topping and lime zest.
Spoon onto crust.
Refrigerate until set - about 2-3 hours

Serve with a lime wedge or a dollop of whipped cream (topping)

Cook's Notes: You might be able to squeeze a little fat from the recipe by reducing the amount of butter in the crust - or leave out the crust COMPLETELY!
Taste the filling mixture before adding to crust so you can adjust the sweetness to your taste. I liked the TANG I got, but you may want yours a little sweeter.

Options:
1. On the lime one use Margarita Crystal Light
2. Use Orange Crystal Light with OJ and orange zest
3. Use Lemonade Crystal Light and add frozen raspberries

---dave---
The Bariatric Food Dude